You might not be a god, but I still missed you
by fra22
Summary: How can I sum up this? It's originally an aborted story. I kept some little scenes, mostly dialogues where B&J make fun of each other and try to express how they missed the other one when they weren't in the best place with each other.


**You might not be a god, but I still missed you.**

A/N: okay I'm not really happy with the results here but anyway, it's been stocked in a file far too long…

I had a certain plot somewhere in my mind, but it came across to me that stories like that already has been made in fanfic. So, I decided not to develop the script and just stick to tiny bits of dialogue; just moments of cuteness and banter.

I still give you the major plotline that I was going to go with (as you'll see nothing original there). It was supposed to be full of angst and drama and tears… and finally when time came to start writing I gave up and just wrote simple facts. If you can bear with me for the first part you'll have then the little cute moments I was telling you about.

Or you could just skip it and read the second part; it's actually quite independent. : )

And I know a real adman will never say that, not if they want the product to sell, but there will be no heavy action just innuendo dialogue. Sorry :(

* * *

Timeline: Necessarily after season 3, anytime down the road.

Plot: Our boys have a little misunderstanding which leads to a week of no communication, no talking, no sex and of course, absolute denial. But of course you should not worry, our guys make up.

* * *

**You might not be a god, but I still missed you.**

"Part" 1

Justin is coming home late several days in a row just before dawn. He's very tired and goes to bed immediately. He wakes up late. He explains he's busy when Brian asks.

Brian waits for him and pretends he's not, that this situation is not bothering him. He always wakes up before Justin and goes to work.

They meet sometimes for dinner at the loft. They don't really talk. Justin always has to go. Brian says nothing.

After a few days, with no sex and no talking Justin comes home early to find an empty loft. Brian comes back just before dawn.

It goes like that for a few days.

Justin tries to talk about it: "I'm not tricking"

As for Brian, he denies any problem, any revenge plan or any trust issue: he's "busy".

Justin is hurt, angry, suspicious and a bit scared. It's hard to sleep in the same bed than the man he loves when he can't touch him, when he has to pretend everything is alright when they both know it's not. He feels so alone. It seems Brian does too.

After a week like this Justin catches Brian after a day of work and asks him to come with him somewhere.

"If you still have a little faith in me, in us, come. Please."

They take the car, it's a long drive. They arrive in another part of the city.

Justin has the key to a building. It's a studio. He shows his project to Brian. That's the reason he was always late and tired; he explains. He was working on it. He wanted to surprise his lover. As it's far from the loft he has to take several buses. It's a long commute. He guesses he could have slept on the dirty sofa installed in this crappy place but he wanted to spend some time with Brian even if it was just for a few hours at night. He came back earlier the past few days but Brian wasn't there. Nothing was going on, on Justin's side. He tries to convince his lover that he'll never cheat on him again. He'll never hurt him that way again. He's afraid Brian did take revenge.

He asks: "The nights you didn't come home, were you with the guys, at Woody's, at Babylon, with some tricks or…. with one trick?"

Brian denies having an affair: "Of course not. I'd never do that. No repeats."

Justin confirms: "Me neither."

Just like that they make up. Justin burrows into Brian's arms.

"I believe you. You believe me? You trust me, right?" Brian nods. For that answer he gets a small but tender kiss from Justin.

"You like you're my project?" Brian nods and simply says: "Yes".

"It's not finished but that's your entire fault, Mr. Doubts. Don't doubt me", Justin says seriously, eyes piercing into hazel eyes.

Again, Brian can only nod. He looks at the artist. This look, Justin can only translate it into four simple words: "make love to me".

They make love on the studio floor.

* * *

"You are stupid, you know that? You made me ruin my surprise _and_ I didn't appreciate your withholding sex."

"I didn't withhold sex."

"Well, my celibacy status may have messed up with my head, you know, from all the horniness on all, but I'm pretty sure we did not have sex for a week. An entire week, can you believe that? I thought we were screwed and not in a positive life affirming way"

"You didn't get laid?"

"Well I didn't really have time. I was practically living here."

"Even for a quickie?"

"With whom? As you can see, it's pretty empty here!"

"Not anymore!", huskily proclaims the older man before attacking his lover's mouth.

* * *

"Part"2

The loft, few hours later.

After another round of make-up sex, the two men untangle themselves from each other.

"That was amazing! You are amazing! You're a god!", exclaims Justin breathlessly.

"A god?"

"Yeah! The God of sex!"

Brian chuckles.

"And you look like a god!"

"I'm not a god!"

"Well, you are a god to many people. They look at you and see a god; beautiful and inaccessible."

"Am I a god to you?"

"Pleeaaasse…. I know you too much!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I've seen your flaws!"

"I don't have any flaws!"

"Yes, you do!"

Brian stares at him and cocks one eyebrow, asking a silent question.

"What about the scar on your knee?", responds the blond.

"A little reminder of the fact that I played soccer like a god."

"You've stopped playing at 9!"

"I was too good. They were all jealous!"

" Pfffffff." , replies Justin. He then throws in: "What about the fact that you are grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy!"

"Pleeeeease… The Disney character was named after you!"

"It's from the 30's!"

"I don't see your point", the young man maliciously counters.

Brian frowns.

"Ok. What about the fact that you are anal?"

"Of course I'm anal. I'm a gay man!", exclaims jokingly the adman, while Justin shakes his head in consternation.

"What kind of respectable queer can live on blow jobs only?" he adds.

"You know what I mean!"

"People appreciate neatness and when everything is in order". He lights a cigarette.

"Yeah, yeah", Justin replies, brushing off the justification.

"Well, I remember many occasions when you were _pret_-ty happy that I have condoms stash and display all over the loft. You never complained about me being too anal or organized then! Plus, what about YOUR flaws?"

"My flaws?"

"Hum hum"

"They are adorable! Just. Like. Me!" enthusiastically proclaims the young man, while giving a smacking wet kiss on Brian's cheek.

"Though you know, at some point you were a god to me…." Justin starts, not sure he should pursue.

Two brown eyebrows were lifted.

"When I was young and naïve", the blond hastily adds.

"Of course."

Though Brian's answer is dripping with sarcasm, Justin still manages to detect hints of curiosity in his partner's voice.

"I know…", consents the angelic face. "Ok, if I tell you, promise you won't laugh?"

"No can do."

"Please?"

Brian sports a steady face.

"Ok but just keep in mind that I used to be a virgin."

"A long, _long_ time ago."

"Not that long!"

Brian smirks and slowly looks down his lover's body.

"Ok I agree with that one: that _is_ long", smugly smiles Justin.

Brian puffs him.

"So, ok, you remember when you drop me off to school that morning after our first night?"

"Vaguely…"

At that Justin glimpses at him a bit disappointed. Taking Brian's expression in, he comes to the conclusion that the man is joking. He's quite relieved.

"Well, Daph was waiting for me on the stairs. She asked me where I was and all…"

Justin looks at him then turns his head in the opposite direction and continues.

"Well… I told her… "I've seen the face of God. His name is Brian Kinney"".

The sentence is followed by complete silence before Brian explodes in a loud laugh.

Justin instantly blushes.

"No laughing Brian, no laughing!", he pleads, embarrassed.

"Sorry, sorry", the older man manages to get out between chuckles. Laughs keep pouring out of his chest

"Briiiiiiiiian! Oh! Don't make me regret telling you!" whines the blond.

"I didn't ask you to tell me!"

Justin puts his hands on his face and an exasperated breath leaves him.

"I was young; I was 17 and you just had taken my virginity!"

"What an excuse!"

"Well I didn't know better. My bad if I thought you were gorgeous and hot and a great fuck!"

"You were not wrong…just…."

"What? Cute? Adorable? Stupid?"

"Impressionable I guess"

"Don't complain. If I didn't idealize you back then…."

Brian looks at him with this look; so soft with a hint of… could it be fear?

"Well", pursues Justin, "I guess I still would have done the same: stalk you!"

Brian smiles sweetly.

"The face of God, huh?"

"Yeah… a god with a lot of flaws! ", Justin exclaims laughing.

"Hey! We determined that I ain't flawed!"

"You did that on your own!"

"I'm always right"

"Yeah, yeah, sure", dismisses Justin.

They look at each other for a second. Lust seems to get the upper hand over the talking.

"What about showing me how anal you are?" Justin says with a sexy smile.

"Yeah, what about I show you?", acquiesces Brian.

* * *

They were left in an aftermath of sex; sweaty, smelly, sticky.

"Come one, you need a shower."

"I like been wet and sticky"

"Gross!"

"Not gross! You are the one who made me wet and sticky"

"Still gross! Let's go!"

Once in the shower they wash each other. Hands are roaming; kisses are exchanged and accompanied by neck nuzzling. They just relish being in each other's arms.

"That's what I missed the most."

"What, my hand on your dick?" Brian says soaping Justin's genitals.

"Showering with you."

Silence. Brian's hand stops and he looks at the younger man. Then, resumes his ministrations.

"I missed sex and all but I think….it's taking showers without you that sucked the most."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep. Let me show you how much it sucked!"

Justin gets down on his knees and does his best to get his point across.

* * *

"I see your point. It sucked!"

"My blowjob sucked ?", shouted a pretended offended blond.

"No, but you do!", responds Brian while tickling his lover.

"I've missed that the most!" Justin repeats while in Brian's arms, holding tight, his head on his partner's chest. "Not even your dick in my ass can compare to this; and I loooooove your dick up my ass!"

Again, Brian says nothing.

Finally he breaks the silence: '"Let's go to bed now."

* * *

They climb into bed, each of them settling on their side of the bed.

" 'Night Brian"

"Night"

Silence.

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"I love my dick up your ass too. "

They both understand what it means and so Justin quietly adds: " I never doubted that."

* * *

A/N: ok, thanks you reading. I'm really not happy with this story, I find the guys quite off, a bit too emotional. Don't know if it's because I didn't develop the story further, not adding details, but my inspiration left me too soon to complete the plot and it seems it won't come back. Anyway, thanks again.

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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Property of Cowlip


End file.
